Thursday, June 10, 2010

This is what's been ruining my life.

These are a few pages from this thing I've been working on, called In the Box. None of this actually has anything to do with the plot, featuring none of the main characters. It's mostly Youtube videos our heroes watch in order to profile one of the antagonists. The last scene change is a scene towards the beginning.

A fishing boat at Greenefield Lake

Old Man 1, Old Man 2, Old Woman 1, Corpse 1, Middle Age Man 1, Middle Age Man 2, Middle Age Man 3(With one arm.), Teenage Boy 1, Teenage Boy 2, Teenage Girl 1, and Infant 1 are in the boat with fishing poles, it is early morning. Teenage Boy 3 stands out the boat looking angry.

Teenage Boy 1: God damn it, fishing is boring. I hate fishing. I'd rather be skating.

Middle Age Man 1: Shut your hole, Everett. This is your heritage. We got five generations on this boat, and you ain't gonna spoil it by being a sourpuss.

Corpse 1 falls over.

Middle Age Man 2: Look! I think grandpa caught a fish.
Goes over to Corpse 1's fishing line and reels it in, it is a moderately sized bass fish, Middle Age Man 2 holds up the fish for everyone to see.
Well lookie there, even dead, grandpa's still a good fisherman.

Middle Age Men 1 and 2 prop Corpse 1 back up and then resume fishing.

Everett: God, this family is fucked up.

Middle Age Man 1: Turns to Everett.
Boy, one more word out of your mouth and I'll beat you with my petrified beaver.

Everett: Sits down and crosses his arms.
This is all stupid.

Old Woman 1: This ain't stupid. One day we're gonna catch Wayne, and then we're gonna burn em' at the stake.

Middle Age Man 3: Flails.
Wayne took my arm.

Middle Age Man 2: Turns to Middle Age Man 3.
We all know Wayne took your arm, Otis.

Middle Age Man 1: Looks at the camera. someone vidiatapin' this?

Toxic gas comes up out of the water behind the boat, and Dr. Greenhouse pops up, he jumps onto the boat, everyone on the boat except Everett, Corpse 1, and Infant 1 pull out shotguns and aim them at Dr. Greenhouse, Infant 1 pulls out a glock.

Everett: God, the gases smell like ass.

Dr. Greenhouse throws Everett off of the boat.

Old Man 1: Now, mister, I thank you for getting rid my annoying grandson, but you're on private property. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. And the sheriff says I got a right to shoot someone so long as I warn em' first.

Dr. Greenhouse chucks Old Man 1 off of the boat, a giant catfish jumps up and swallows half his body.

Middle Age Man 2: Shit, Wayne just got Uncle Pervis!

Wayne: Pervis tastes just like toffee.

Everyone on the boat fires at Wayne, Dr. Greenhouse addresses the camera as a barrel of oil dangles down from a helicopter above him.

Dr. Greenhouse: Greetings, Greenefield. As part of my campaign to end cold winters, I've decided to dump a barrel of oil into our local lake.

Wholphin, who is dolphin themed, and Auralic, who is goldfish themed, swim up out of the water and onto the boat.

Wholphin: Stands up and catches his breath.
Stop! Please don't dump that oil.

Dr. Greenhouse: Are you a dolphin themed superhero?

Wholphin: Sighs.
I'm wholphin themed. It's a hybrid of a whale and a dolphin, ok?

Auralic: Except it isn't really.

Wholphin: Turns to Auralic.
Shut up.
Turns to Dr. Greenhouse.
You don't want to do this.

Dr. Greenhouse: Yes I do.

Wholphin: No you don't.

Dr. Greenhouse: No, I do.

Wholphin: No, you don't. See, my power is to create great empathy and compassion in others.

Dr. Greenhouse: That's retarded.

Wholphin: Nods.
Yeah, now you know why I'm whale/dolphin themed.

Dr. Greenhouse: Too bad your powers don't work on me.
Pulls out a remote and presses a button, crude oil falls down on the boat and floods the lake.

Otis: Oh god! I feel like a fly trapped in horse manure and donkey teeth.

Infant 1 shoots Teenage Boy 1 in the eye and he screams, Screen goes to black, and a white text reads, “This preceding video is dedicated to the five victims of the 2007 Wayne/Oil spill tragedy.”


Dr. Greenhouse stands by a large row of TVs he has set up on the street, people pass by and stare at the TVs, Man 8 walks up to Dr. Greenhouse, the camera follows him.

Man 8: Hey man, what is this? A classic movie move exhibition?

Dr. Greenhouse: Oh no. I'm using up a bunch of power to increase carbon emissions.
Hands Man 8 a business card.
My name is Dr. Greenhouse, I'm dedicated to creating global warming because I think it's a good thing.

Man 8: Wow, that's creative.

Cop 2 walks onscreen.

Cop 2: Ok, whose responsible for this.
Points to all the TVs.

Dr. Greenhouse: I am.

Cop 2: You're going to have to shut all this off.

Dr. Greenhouse: This is a protest of U.S. Government policy. I refuse to shut it down. I have rights.

Cop 2: Yeah but...

Camera shows an extension cord hooked up to surge protectors which is powering the TVs, the extension cord is plugged into Mall Mart.

Cop 2: You're stealing electricity from Mall Mart. And they're beginning to experience power problems. So, you need to stop. Stop before the Mall Mart police arrive, because I'm a lot nicer than they will be.

Dr. Greenhouse: Let them come.

Cop 2: Ok, sir, this is a public safety hazard.
Points to all the wires.
There's no way this is safe.

Dr. Greenhouse: It's completely safe, sir.

All the TVs catch on fire, cut to black.

Hurly's Room

Hurly sits at his computer desk.

Hurly: So there you have it, Greenefield. The city can't produce enough power to meet our energy needs. Does that mean we should stop using fossil fuels? No. I say we get that oil from Mars. They aren't using it. You want solar power, huh? The plants in my garden used solar power and they died. You want your power grid to die? Wind power? So what? We're just going to enslave all the tornadoes so we can have power? Tornadoes are people too. Just because they join gangs because they U.S. government makes them live in shit holes doesn't mean they're bad people. Nuclear? Don't get me started on nuclear. Setting fires with toxic shit is no way to power a society. Remember to subscribe.

A Clearing

There is a crudely built wooden house onscreen, Dr. Greenhouse walks out of it.

Dr. Greenhouse: Hi everyone, I'm Dr. Greenhouse. Have you seen a tree lately? You know what I've noticed about trees? They all pretty much look the same. You know what else pretty much all looks the same? Houses.

Camera zooms out to reveal dozens of crudely built wooden houses.

Dr. Greenhouse: Sure, they have some minor differences. Some houses have three stories, others have one. Some two bathrooms, some none. Some have big windows with curves. Others have tiny wooden sheds for reserves. Some are painted blue. Others have more of a red hue. Some houses have big doors. Others have wooden floors. But all houses are beautiful, and I see no reason why our Earth would be flawed to be covered in nothing but man made wooden, steel, plaster, and brick structures.

Onopolis(Voice): You are misguided...broccoli shoes.

Onopolis walks onscreen up to Dr. Greenhouse.

Dr. Greenhouse: Who are you? A superhero?

Onopolis: I'm more like a prophet and messiah, myopic spinach face.

Dr. Greenhouse:, are you going to debate global warming with me?

Onopolis: Afraid not, lettuce skin. I know not about global warming. However, it seems my arch nemesis has mistaken this place for a testing ground, and seeks to detonate a nuclear device here.

Stan Tuberosum walks out of one of the houses with a box large enough to house a nuclear device the size of a Hiroshima bomb, the box has built in ladders on the sides.

Stan: Is this Nevada?
Opens the box.
I remade the Trinity.

Dr. Greenhouse: Holy shit!

Stan: You'd better evacuate the area. I'll do the prep work.
Climbs up the ladder, opens the box and begins to arm the device.

Onopolis: This fits rather well with your agenda of ecological destruction, does it not, squash eyes?

Dr. Greenhouse: Looks at Onopolis, then at Stan, and then back at Onopolis.
Hell no. I have my limits.
Runs up to Stan.
Don't do this! This is Greenefield, Missouri, not Nevada.

Stan: Oh...I get confused sometimes.
Lights flash on inside the box.
Huh, these are Christmas lights.
Looks down at Dr. Greenhouse.
I think I accidentally mailed the nuke to Scotland.

Dr. Greenhouse: Gets up and looks at the camera.
Shut it off.

Fast Food Restaurant

Sir Johnathan sits on Madelin(his horse) as she eats a burger and French fries laid out on a table, the costumers stare at them.

Sir Johnathan(addressing Madelin): You are getting fat, Madelin, but I don't know why.

Rick, the Cryptozoologist and John sit at a table adjacent to Sir Johnathan, Rick looks amused and John looks mortified.

Rick: This is the best day ever.

Sir Johnathan(addressing Rick): Tell me, good sir, do you know where I might find people in need of a hero?

Rick: Laughs.
Yeah, there's a princess hidden somewhere in the city. The local king thought she was prettier than him so he cast a spell on her. She's in a deep sleep, but a kiss from a noble knight can wake her.

John: Rick! Don't tell him that, what if he kills the mayor?

Sir Johnathan: Don't worry, peasant.
Raises his sword in the air.
(Addressing the entire restaurant) Don't worry peasants. I will find this King The Mayor, and I will make him pay for his heresy. And I will find this princess. After which time I will promptly kiss her to rouse her from her slumber. Then I will take her in the sack. And we shall be wed. Then I shall be your king. I'll be just.

John: Please, oh god, don't attack the mayor.

Sir Johnathan: Slaps Madelin.
Hurry up, knave, there is much work to be done.

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